RFK Epilogue

Sadly our tale of the girls of Robert F. Kennedy High School now comes to an end. But what happened to our heroines? Such a question would be cruel to leave unanswered. Sadly, the fates of everyone who has been involved cannot be related. Suffice it to say that many graduates of RFK High went on to perfectly normal lives with their share of happiness and tribulations. However, there are those who have flitted in and out of this story with some importance, even though they may have attracted only cursory notice. Indeed, you may not even remember them at all, but their fates deserve our notice for a moment.

Wendy the waitress finished community college and decided to hold off on getting her bachelor’s degree. Instead, she moved to Seattle and worked for a while in a bar, drawing on her earlier waitressing experience. She got to know one of the regulars by the name of Joe Stanley over the span of several months when he’d come in with his friends. By a series of odd events, she and Joe wound up dating, which went great for one week—and then went disastrously. However, after a couple months of awkward interactions at the bar, for some reason the two were drawn to one another again and this time they stuck. Joe and Wendy eventually got married and Joe, a successful executive, made enough money that Wendy never waitressed again.

Kelli Coffey wound up at West Virginia University, where she majored in inebriation studies and minored in drying out. In all seriousness, Kelli’s major in political science didn’t matter a whit because her “temporary” post-college job as a secretary at a Washington, D.C.-based investment firm wound up being how she met her husband—her boss, a hot-shot stock broker on the rise. Shortly after their marriage they moved to New York City so her husband could get in Wall Street and they began living the high life. Kelli became a trophy wife and enjoyed her life immensely, buying expensive clothing and being driven around in flashy, expensive cars. The dream came to an end when she discovered her husband was having an affair with his secretary. After a sizable divorce settlement, Kelli moved to New Orleans and has bounced from one man to the next ever since.

Hayley Oxford was arrested for driving under the influence in her senior year of high school, as well as being under the influence while under age. Unfortunately for her, it was an election year for the District Attorney, who decided to show his constituency that he was tough on drunk driving—especially since it was a good looking white girl who’d fallen into his net. Hayley was unable to make a deal that her lawyer could advise her to take and was found guilty. She was sentenced by an equally harsh judge, also up for reelection as it turned out, and had the book thrown at her. She was fined $1000 and had her license suspended for six months. However, the latter punishment was an irrelevant technicality as she was also given a six month prison sentence, the maximum sentence for a first time DUI offender in the state of California. After she was released, she was forced to go to community college after having missed regular college admissions. She eventually married a mediocre real estate agent. They had two kids and filed for bankruptcy three times.

Katie Rollins went to Northwestern University and studied journalism and how to be a sorority sister. After graduation, she went where her work took her and she wound up in Helena, Montana, working for the Helena Independent Record covering Montana state politics. The job was supposed to be just a foot in the door to bigger and better things like the Los Angeles Times, the San Francisco Chronicle, the Washington Post, or the New York Times, but years later Rollins had become a member of the paper’s editorial board and was firmly settled in Montana. She married twice and had three kids.

Justine Greenwood went to Chico State and majored in mass communications. During freshman year, Justine took full advantage of the party scene at Chico and as a result found herself sporting the freshman fifteen by the end of the year from a few too many beers and late night snacks. Try as she would for the remainder of her life, Justine never quite shook those fifteen pounds. She glumly accepted the fact and wound up marrying a guitar player shortly after graduating college. The marriage lasted two years before they parted ways after things just didn’t work out—mainly because Justine discovered her husband was a bum who couldn’t bring home any appreciable income. Justine dated off and on while living and working in Seattle, Washington, for the next few years. Work took her to Cleveland, Ohio, where she met an engineer who she married with greater success. They had two children and Justine carried out the rest of her life as a suburban housewife.

David Chang and Jeanine Lin both wound up going to Senior prom together since they’d known each other for so long and they figured they could just have a good time together. As a result, they discovered that they each liked one another quite a bit and the fact that they were both headed to Pepperdine University. They got an apartment together after Junior year and got married three years after college. They moved up the coast to Monterrey where Jeanine became a third grade teacher while David worked in advertising. Together, they had four children and enjoyed spending time holding hands as they gazed out from their deck upon the Pacific Ocean.

Lizzie Carle and Sean McEnroe dated for the remainder of high school and attempted a distance relationship during college. This was strained by the fact that she got into Georgetown University’s ultra-exclusive School of Nursing while Sean stayed in California for college. Sadly, they broke up at Thanksgiving, which hit Lizzie rather hard. While she was there, she met a boy named Ryan Rissmiller, who would later turn out to be the love of her life and become her husband a few years after graduation. Lizzie and her future husband moved to Philadelphia where they had a quite a bit of fun going out on the town together. They were madly in love with one another for the remainder of their lives.

Morgan Jones, who has darted in and out of this narrative several times, left California and went to the University of Pennsylvania and then attended Johns Hopkins’ medical school to become a pediatrician, her life’s goal. She settled down in New Jersey and was happily married to a corporate executive. She remained slim and trim for the rest of her life, which was relatively uneventful—as most happy lives are.

Emily Nyberg went to the University of Southern California. She majored in History and became very active in the sorority scene. College unleashed a wild streak in Emily, and though she had very few boyfriends, she had quite a few dates. The trend continued throughout Emily’s professional life, which remained in Los Angeles. It was only after she’d hit 30 that she finally met the man for her—a high powered banker. They settled (to Emily’s slight Trojan chagrin) in Westwood with their two children.

Penny Smart eventually broke up with Aaron, though without acrimony. Two boyfriends later, she left RFK and went to The George Washington University where she majored in English. After graduation, she traveled to New York City where she settled down as an editor in a publishing company. It was work that many found dry, but for Penny it was a profession she had a passion for. Though she was worried about dating in the Big Apple, she quickly found her groove at a bar nearby her apartment where she eventually met Ted Foley, a lawyer just out of Columbia Law. The pair hit it off immediately and after two years of dating (minus one brief separation after a particularly nasty fight) Penny and Ted were engaged and got married a year later. The pair eventually left New York City and went about as far away as they could—Hawaii. Penny had family there and landed a decent job in a small publishing house while Ted was admitted to the Hawaiian Bar Association where he began a modest practice on Oahu. They had four children together and spent the remainder of their lives enjoying the warm trade winds.

Good old Patsy Fagan was destined for one place after high school, and that was her parents’ alma mater of Northeastern University in Boston, Massachusetts. She got her degree in accounting, much to the surprise of those who knew her in high school, as she relentlessly cheered on the Red Sox. In her senior year, Patsy met the thoroughly Irish Ryan O’Connor and the pair fell madly in love. Two years later they were happily married in Atlanta, Georgia, and Mrs. Patsy O’Connor was very happy that she was no longer part of a famous Irish ditty. Though their Irish temperaments made for a few good flare ups between them, the couple always patched things up by the end of the day. Their life together was long and happy.

As for Molly Creighton, no one is quite sure what happened to her. The rumors are many, but I do know for sure she never wound up on the Supreme Court as had been predicted by those who knew her in high school. Something tells me she’s doing all right.

And then there are the fair ladies who we have come to know and love. Their fates, I expect, are the ones that you all really want to know.

Christy Fuller’s life didn’t improve after that party. She was cast out of RFK High’s social scene from that point onward. All she did with her time was sit around her house and eat without a second thought. She continued to deny how much weight she had gained until she had blossomed over 200 pounds by the end of the school year, at which point her mother sat her down and read her the riot act. Christy was set on a strict diet, but now her huge hunger was completely ingrained into her being. The diet lasted for all of three hours before Christy was secretly raiding the cupboard where the cookies were held. From then on, Christy’s life was nothing but a haze of eating and snacks. Christy never came out again for the water polo team her Senior year, and by that point she was so obese that it would have been a challenge just finding her a decent bathing suit for the tryouts. She barely graduated high school and was forced by her parents to go to junior college where she was less than outstanding. Christy was unable to hold a job, eventually working at a local fast food joint where she constantly slipped herself free food. With a no social life, the remainder of Christy’s life was spent zoned out in front of a TV with her hand in a bag of potato chips.

Chelsea Magyar and Ross McKenna broke up early in Senior year. Though their time together during the second half of Junior year had been great, Chelsea found that something that was missing in their relationship. Though she agonized about the decision, Chelsea made the decision to end things. Chelsea regretted it once it was said and done, but still felt like it was the right decision. Though the two parted on amiable on terms, they both didn’t speak to the other that much for a few months until the sting of the end of the relationship had worn off. Their time together had a very positive impact for Chelsea. Ross’s acceptance of her and her chubbiness left her with a lasting self-confidence that she carried with her even after the end of the relationship, even snagging herself a Senior prom date (something at the beginning of her Junior year she thought would have been impossible). After graduation, Ross went to the University of Arizona where he majored in Mathematics. He later moved to Austin, Texas, where he met his wife, Emma Bauer. The pair later moved to a suburb of Dallas, where they raised their family.

Chelsea went to California Polytechnic State University, where she majored in civil engineering. She dated sporadically throughout college, mainly meeting people at her church where she was highly active. Upon graduation, Chelsea joined the Peace Corps and was assigned to work in the Andes of Chile in impoverished, rural communities. When she returned to the United States, she was immediately hired by an engineering firm in Palm Springs. Finding life there rather mundane after a few years, she accepted a position in Tempe, Arizona, at a major engineering firm. While at a company event at an Arizona Cardinals game, Chelsea met Sean Costello, a sharp computer programmer. The pair hit it off amazingly well and were eventually married. Chelsea was blessed with three children, including two girls, who were the joy of her life.

Nina Hampton was right that she wasn’t cut out for the life of a cook. However, she had no desire to get out of the kitchen. She had been truly happy there. Nina went to Sacramento State University where she got a degree in Nutrition and Food Studies with an emphasis in food management. During this time, Laurel Stone went to cooking school at nights in Santa Barbara for a change of scenery. As she predicted to Nina, Laurel worked at another bakery in the morning to pay the bills. She and Nina kept in touch via phone and visited each other frequently in their respective cities for pig out sessions, often cooked in part or whole by Laurel. After Nina’s graduation, she moved to Santa Barbara where Laurel had been working as a pastry chef in an upscale restaurant making desserts and other delicious baked goods. Laurel had gotten engaged to a local entrepreneur who upon meeting Nina insisted that the pair go into business for themselves. Laurel’s fiancé rustled up the money and soon the Edelweiss Bakery—an homage to their roots—was born, situated near UC Santa Barbara in Goleta. The college crowd fell for the bakery immediately and an instant clientele was born. Through Laurel’s good food and Nina’s shrewd management, the pair soon expanded into downtown Santa Barbara where they met equal success. It was at this second location that Nina met a young advertising agent named Alan Fourier who was a frequent customer. The two hit it off instantly over a series of dinners and a year later they were happily married, living down the street from also recently married Mrs. Laurel Heinlein. As a side note, Laurel and Nina found that they often hired teenage girls, some of them from UCSB, applying to work in their stores. They hired them with knowing smiles.

Kristin Royal dated Chris Anderson for their remaining days at RFK High. They continued to be one of the cutest couples in the school, though few people were aware that it had to do with the fact that it was based in Chris’s acceptance of Kristin and the resulting self-confidence it inspired in Kristin. Eventually the popular girls who had formerly had crushes on Chris gave up and bothered Kristin no more. There was a movement to name them prom king and queen their senior year, but it didn’t happen. Kristin and Chris were fine with that—they needed no accolades to crown their love. They had a typically teary goodbye when Kristin left to head to college at the University of California at Davis with Chris destined for Arizona State University. They kept up a healthy correspondence over the phone and through the Internet, but the lack of a physical presence tried them both. Kristin did her best not to let her longing for Chris keep her from enjoying the many pleasures of college—and actually succeeded. After a couple months of a long distance relationship, both Chris and Kristin realized that things weren’t working. When Kristin hesitantly worked up the nerve to break up with him over the phone, she was relieved to find that Chris had reached the same conclusion. Their parting was amiable, if tinged with regret that things hadn’t worked out. For the record, Chris would go on to work in chemical supply out in Pennsylvania, happily married.

On Kristin’s end, her relationship with Chris had positive effects for the plump pear shaped girl. Kristin carried with her the feeling of confidence in her own body that Chris had awakened in her throughout her college, and indeed the rest of her life. Though she still had to work on her shyness, it was a result of inexperience in dating and new social situations rather than a lack of self-confidence. Kristin went on to date a few different guys in college and eventually graduated with a degree in Animal Science. She continued at Davis for graduate studies and eventually became a veterinarian, joining a practice in Denver, Colorado after graduation. In the course of a routine examination of a golden Labrador retriever, Kristin was asked out to dinner by the dog’s good looking owner, who was named Brendan Schmidt. Kristin accepted and eight months later she was married to Brendan—and Charles the dog. After the birth of her three kids, Kristin took over the veterinarian practice for herself, which she operates to this very day.

Lynn Phan and Tony Tran were a couple for the remainder of high school and a very happy one at that. They continued small feeding episodes for the duration of their relationship. When it came time to make choices for college, Tony went to the University of California at San Diego while Lynn decided on the University of California at Irvine. Though the distance between the two was not be as great those some couples were facing, the impending separation began to cause quite a bit of friction in the relationship. By July, Tony had made it clear he didn’t want to talk about their future, while Lynn wanted to address it head on. Finally, Lynn told Tony if he wasn’t interested in discussing the future, there was no point in staying together in the present. They broke up with one another, and not without a great deal of sadness on each side. Tony would go on to graduate from UCSD with a degree in bioengineering that he used as a springboard to a PhD in the field. He would work in the biotech industry based out of San Diego for much of the remainder of his career.

When Lynn was moving into the dorms for the beginning of freshman year, she was still a bit broken up about having ended such a wonderful relationship. It was on the very first day, not more than forty minutes after her parents had left she was in just such a mood when she introduced by a friend to Stephen Nguyen. Though Lynn didn’t know it then, a connection was formed. By the end of September they were dating and before long they were a couple. The relationship, though it didn’t last past freshman year, got Lynn back on her feet and helped her to realize that end of a good relationship wasn’t the end of her life. She eventually graduated from UCI with a degree in biology. She worked in various biotech companies in and around Orange County before she met Jonathan Lee, who worked in telecommunications, who she eventually married. They settled down in the city of Orange and had four children together. None of them were ever pressured to have seconds at the dinner table, and none were denied an extra helping if they wanted it.

Tina Westley and Matt Sutherby went on to have a wonderful relationship together that lasted through the remainder of high school. Each was entirely smitten with the other that they became a stereotypical cute couple, the sort that held hands about everywhere they went, who always were going out with one another, the couple that was still together when it felt like everybody else had broken up. The pair remained together after graduation, but circumstances made that decision hard. Tina felt called back to Madison and was going to the University of Wisconsin as a result, while Matt was going to the University of San Diego. The pair vowed that they’d make the relationship work, despite being two time zones apart, and they did for the first few months. They were on the phone or IMing one another nearly every night. However, the relationship was strained by sheer geographical distance and by the time that both were coming home for Thanksgiving, each had a bad feeling in the pit of their stomach. It wasn’t until Sunday morning, right before they were each to return to their respective colleges, that Matt was the one who told Tina it wasn’t working out. It killed him to admit it, for he still deeply cared for Tina, but she was just too far away. Tina for her part was sad to agree and both returned to college in tears.

Matt was despondent for the first couple weeks after break before finals, and continued that way all winter break, during which time he couldn’t bring himself to see or even call Tina. In fact, he spent much of the vacation in a funk. Though his relationship with Tina had been untenable, he just couldn’t believe that it was over. It had been the first success of his dating career and it had felt like it would have gone on forever. When he returned to USD he was in much the same mood, a circumstance that his roommate decided needed to be ended quickly. He dragged Matt to a party where he literally ran into a dark haired girl named Regan Cabot. Though Matt didn’t remember anything else about the evening the next morning but inferred that his headache indicated much of it had been a major mistake, he found a badly scrawled number and Regan’s name on a napkin inside one of his pockets. At his roommate’s urging, Matt called Regan and they began dating. It was just what Matt needed. In fact, Matt and Regan soon were dating in earnest and they just kept on going for the rest of college. When they graduated (Matt with a degree in history while Regan majored in marketing), they decided to stay together and they both moved to Atlanta. After dating for nine years, Matt finally popped the question to Regan and they were happily married a couple years later.

Tina was equally unhappy about breaking up with Matt, even though deep down she knew it needed to be done. She didn’t have the heart to get back into the dating scene and generally withdrew into herself like she had in high school. Matt had inspired such confidence in her that now that they were no longer dating, it was like it had evaporated. She lost herself in her studies, spending a lot of time in the library (besides, where else would she want to go in the deep cold winter of Wisconsin?). It was one day as she was hunting for a desk in the library that she turned a corner—and ran smack dab into John MacGregor, sending his books all over the floor. In the process of whispered apologies as she tried to help him gather things up, Tina’s eyes met John’s and she instinctively knew that this was a moment. It was up to her whether she wanted to seize it or not.

She did. She flirted as best she could with John right on the spot and he walked away with her number and promptly called her for a date the next night. That set Tina on track again and though Tina didn’t marry John like Matt did Regan, she realized a break up wasn’t the end of the world. Tina wound up settling in Madison after getting her degree in accounting. She worked her way up to become the CFO of a property management company over the years. As she did so, she went out to bars and clubs with her friends and eventually wound up dating a variety of men. One day while watching a Packers game in a pub, Tina wound up chatting with Jeff Sorensen, who she’d go on to marry a couple years later. They would have two children and continued to live in Madison until a winter-weary Tina was glad to relocate to Miami with her husband, son, and daughter.

Jenna Shcherbatsky and Tom Stevenson continued to be madly in love with one another for the remainder of high school. Unfortunately, college presented them with a dilemma. Jenna had gotten into UCSB while Tom was going to UCSD. The two didn’t want to be separated, but there seemed to be no way around it. Tearfully, one August day, it was Jenna who ended the relationship. As much as she loved Tom, she didn’t want to be caught up in a distance relationship, pining away for someone who was hundreds of miles away. Tom understood and reacted better than Jenna expected to it, and with that they both went their separate ways for college.

What Jenna didn’t know was that in reality Tom was utterly crushed. He loved Jenna so much he kept himself from showing her how much, knowing it would only hurt her more. He barely went out for the remainder of the summer and started the school year with a gloomy outlook. He didn’t meet many people and kept to himself. Though there were girls who were definitely interested in Tom, he didn’t reciprocate at all. It seemed pointless to try and be involved with another girl, because none of them would be Jenna. He kept trying to tell himself that he’d get over her eventually, but he didn’t.

In Santa Barbara, Jenna took to the laid-back beach lifestyle well, going to plenty of parties. She met plenty of guys while she was there and had a lot of fun, but when she found herself alone, with time to spare, there was a hollow spot inside of her that she knew was the space that Tom had filled in her life. Try as she might to fill it with someone else, she couldn’t. That was why when she came home for Thanksgiving, she was more than eager to meet Tom for coffee to catch up with him.

When the pair met, things were awkward for neither was entirely sure what to say, convinced that the other was having a wonderful time at college. It was Jenna who, after five minutes of small talk, confessed that she missed Tom and regretted that they’d broken up. Tom naturally agreed and the two knew that regardless of the distance between them, they couldn’t just give the other up. Unsure of how to handle things, Tom began visiting Jenna when he could in Santa Barbara, and occasionally Jenna came down to San Diego. At the end of the year, Tom left UCSD and went up to a community college in Santa Barbara to be closer to Jenna. He eventually was able to transfer into UCSB and the couple was joyously reunited at the same school once again, where they continued to have a wonderful romance as Jenna got a degree in Mass Communications and Tom pursued his bachelor’s in History.

After graduation, the two were so close that they couldn’t even think of going their separate ways. They both moved to New York City and got an apartment together. Eventually, after living and working together for four years, they were still insanely in love with each other, so they took the plunge and got married. They had three children together, including two girls. Jenna always made it a point to tell them how beautiful they were, regardless of what they looked like. Tom and Jenna spent the remainder of their lives together, still as in love with one another as they had been in their junior year of high school.

And as for me, Liam O’Shea, what happened to Tara and me? We had a ball throughout high school, going to dances together, hitting the beach (Tara was much too modest for the bikini in public like I’d hoped, but I got a couple of private showings that were quite enjoyable, trust me), and doing all sorts of other wonderful things as a couple.

And then I broke up with Tara.

I realize this might sound completely crazy, but we weren’t going to college together and I didn’t want a distance relationship—even if it was one with Tara. Though it pained me to do it, I had to end things with Tara. She understood my reasons, but couldn’t help but think we’d be able to make it work. Though I wanted to believe we could, I just couldn’t convince myself that we could. I don’t know who took it worse, Tara or me, but I know I took it hard having to break up with the only girl there’d ever been for me.

Tara and I kept in touch through college and even afterwards. She went to UCLA where she enjoyed the Southern Californian sun and laid back lifestyle while she got her degree in World Cultures. After that, not knowing what she wanted to do with herself, Tara worked for a nongovernmental organization in Mexico in various poverty stricken regions. After two years, she came back to the US and began working for a nongovernmental organization that specialized in South American poverty. At a benefit dinner she met Sam Astor, a successful real estate developer, and the two hit it off beautifully. Today they’re married and living in the San Francisco with their three daughters, all of whom looked rather plump in the last picture Tara sent me.

And as for me, though I flirted with heading off to the east coast to Boston, ultimately the California lifestyle and in-state tuition saw to it that I stayed in state, though I headed up to UC Berkeley (and Northern California is pretty much a different state from Southern California if you didn’t know). After splitting up with Tara during the summer, though I’d been well initiated into the art of dating, I still found it hard to date other girls. An intense relationship can make you gun shy for a while. Eventually I got back into the dating scene and dated a few girls without ever getting into a relationship with them. Just when things started going well, it would fizzle for me and I broke things off. I don’t know if I started getting a reputation amongst my female classmates for being a tease, but I felt horrible for always letting girls down just when things started to click.

I’d discovered upon moving into my dorm that Kei Takano, who’d also decided to go to Berkeley, was living four floors above me. She was a familiar face and she often popped down to see what I was doing at any given time. We got to know many of the same people in our dorm and as a result were constantly hanging out together. In fact, Kei became one of the only people who I talked about dating with out of everyone I knew in Berkeley. I hadn’t gotten rid of my reticence to talk about crushes, but since I kind of knew Kei it was a little easier to talk generally about dating and relationships with her.

After my third failed dating attempt I was quite down and told Kei that at this rate I’d never have a girlfriend in college. After a moment’s hesitation, Kei gave me a hug and told me that she was sure that wouldn’t be the case. There was a familiar something in Kei’s hug, and I realized that though she was easily 70 pounds lighter, if not more, than Tara, there was a warm affection for me in that hug that I’d been looking for ever since Tara and I had split. It wasn’t too much longer before Kei and I were officially an item and quite happy together. However, it wasn’t until the end of the year that Kei confessed her crush on me from three years before. Needless to say, I was absolutely flabbergasted that Kei had liked me way back then and I’d never known about it.

Our relationship lasted until almost the end of Sophomore year. Though Kei was the one who officially ended things, we both knew it was time, if not past. We both had a sense that we weren’t going any further in our relationship than we already had and both of us seemed to be looking for something more. I was surprised that Kei and I worked through the awkwardness of the breakup within a couple months and soon became regular friends. Today Kei, who graduated with a degree in Mass Communications, lives with her husband and three children in Thousand Oaks, California. We occasionally still see each other up in Berkeley for football games or if I’m ever down her way.

To return to college life, once again it took time for me to get my feet in terms of dating again. This time it was a bit easier and I had a few casual relationships throughout my remaining years at college, but nothing approaching what I’d experienced with Tara. I dated thin girls and fat girls (but always cute girls). In reality I dated just about anyone with a pulse who was around my age that seemed into me that I was into as well. I had fun with some of them for a while, but eventually it just fizzled. None of them had that extra spark that I was looking for.

After graduation I didn’t have any idea of what to do with my life, so I went to work for a public relations firm in San Jose. I hit the bar scene and met some interesting women that way, many of them high-powered Silicon Valley execs who were trying to make their mark. Some were fat, some were thin, but none of them really grabbed me, though I dated a few with the hopes that maybe a relationship would grow. Some of my university friends who’d stayed in the Bay Area would set me up with acquaintances, but nothing ever panned out.

One night, I was acutely feeling the loneliness of being single when a brunette in a suit walked up to the bar and for the first time since Tara and Kei I felt something incredible inside me. She was ordering a Bacardi on the rocks and after doing so she turned and looked at me. My complimenting her on her choice of drink was the first step in how I got to know Jane Parker, a high powered lawyer from Toronto, Ontario, who I would marry a year and a half later. With her I would have and raise two children as I wrote speeches for various political figures across the state of California, including a certain Senator who later became President.

All of that aside, I know what you’re thinking: was Jane fat? No, she wasn’t, not by a long shot. In fact, she was universally considered gorgeous. Perhaps this will be a disappointment, and it was something I grappled with after I met Jane. After all, wasn’t I really lying to myself after everything I’d said to Tara about how beautiful she was because she was fat? It was only then that I realized that body size had nothing to do with how much you love someone, even though it did for some people it did. I realized that my relationship with Tara had taught me not only to accept women of all shapes and sizes, but that it was important to be honest with yourself about what your heart told you and to follow it no matter whether it led you to a big girl or a thin girl.

So that’s the moral of the story, ladies and gentlemen: don’t let any size stand in the way of your heart’s desire. You’ll be much happier in life, trust me.